Push!



Rant start.

I was reading a Davis Sedaris essay when I came to finally understand why childbirth is treated as such an ordeal among us humans. The short answer is capitalism, that panacea that isn't.

I'm pretty homophobic. Contrary to the common tagline, I actually don't have any gay friends. Not because I refuse to have any. But because none have crossed my path. And I admit I haven't gone out of my way looking for any. So for me to like Sedaris' work means I must really like his writing. And I do.

In his essay "Stepping Out" he talks to a cow that's grazing while giving birth. He asks her why she can't stop eating for five minutes in order to focus on childbirth. Five minutes for childbirth? Where did that time estimate come from? From capitalism, of course.

I'm speaking from some amount of firsthand experience here. I contend that childbirth is treated as a gland slam version of passing a kidney stone only because society has conditioned us to get it over with in about five minutes.

Push! that familiar refrain we've all heard in delivery rooms urging mothers to vacate the premises so the bedsheets can be replaced and the next expecting mother on the assembly line can be wheeled in.

The cow in this story has no such compulsion. There's no heartless nurse demanding her to push! So, the cow is merrily allowing nature to take its course while it grazes. It could take hours for that calf to finally drop to the ground, perhaps even twisting its neck from the fall. And that would be fine.

Ironically, I picked up Sedaris' book (wherein I read this essay) at Costco, that most capitalistic of all ventures, i.e. making money on volume sales. Because we have no qualms about over-consumption or wastage, as long as it can be couched in some sort of fake justification about saving money even as we actually spend more and more.

Rant end.

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